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The photo!  Happy, laughing me!  The sky the purest, truest blue!  The waves crashing against the sandy buff of the beach.  The sea of teal and sapphire rippling and shimmering, then smashing against the jagged rocks of the cliff face.  Hazy glimmers of heat rising up, reaching like curling fingers back towards the sun that had sent them.

And there I was happy and laughing, balancing on a surf board that I had no intentions of taking to the sea!

But the camera never lies!  And later I would sob tears that would emanate from the heart that had been torn apart.  Tears that told another story.

For beneath the happy smile was the skeletal figure that looked drawn, aged and haggard.  Wasted muscles, translucent skin and darkened eyes.  A figure that had once been full had now become a shadow.

And the tears were cried not because of the past but because of what the past had done to my future.

But that day held another moment!  For the tears shed from a tormented heart would turn to a smile.  For that day I did brave the sea!  And because of the laughter, because of the fun, because of the beauty of the day and because of the encouragement of the people who loved me the most, that day I overcame a fear.

So that happy, laughing me, the one that balanced on a surf board with no intention of taking it to the sea, braved the swell and overcame her deep rooted fear of water!

And that day, recognition that fear only has a hold on your mind if you let it.  So that day I smiled because I knew that one day I would no longer be afraid.

 

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